An ode to the app store

Your face is bright and shiny
Your variety is rife
You promise hours of fun and joy
But you stole away my life
I used to really love you
But now I’ve seen the light
I’ve seen through all the clutter
And removed all of the shite
No longer do you fill my screen
With games and little apps
Instead I’ve got the basic stuff
Like messages and maps
But what is it with syncing
What is this trick you play
One day you are deleted
The next your back to stay
My boys with their iPads
Hunched over in the light
It’s them the little buggers
Downloading through the night
It really drives me crazy
It’s the same thing every day
“Can you download this app for me?”
I’m sick of saying “no way!”
“Dad I really, really need it.
It won’t cost you a cent”
I know they won’t stop bugging me
Until I finally relent
My son, my boy, I love you
But I promise you one thing
If you don’t back off and go away
I’ll smash the fucking thing
“But all my friends they have it
They say I’m not so cool
Until I beat the high score
I can’t go back to school”
So once again I’m hussled
As they hand it over to me
My password entered carefully
So prying eyes can’t see
And then one random day
Completely out the blue
The ping of a new email
An iTunes invoice just for you
I open up and shake my head
14 dollars I must pay
The sods they saw my password
I should change it right away
I find out what happened
The sneaky little toad
He’s done another download
And bought coins on Crossy Road
“Right that’s it the game is up
Give me your machine!
I’m deleting all these apps of yours”
“Please no!!” a desperate scream
So one by one I press the cross
And delete them from my screen
And then when it’s all over
I feel guilty I was mean
But for now I’ve won the battle
I don’t need to hear them moan
But why are they so quiet?
Cause they’re downloading on mums phone!