Behind the mask

I haven’t written in a while. I made a promise to myself when I started writing that it wouldn’t be forced. If I had something to say or a story to tell then it should flow naturally from me.
I’m not articulate or well enough informed to jump in on political debates. I don’t know all the stats to back up what I feel like saying. I read all the news and social media comments. I have my opinions. I don’t tend to air them publicly. I feel quite removed from it all here in Australia.
In the past couple of months 298 people were murdered on Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 over Ukraine. Tragic.
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 disappeared– 239 people gone. Unbelievable.
Genocide, murder and war. Deaths, assault and paedophiles being exposed.
I have started several articles relating to these events in the past month. I just couldn’t finish them.
Then I receive the newsflash to my phone about Robin Williams. And I am just like “what the hell is going on.”
I sit down to write about why he would do this. But again I can’t finish it. I don’t have an ending or a purpose for writing it. It is more of a self-fulfilling debrief. My way to express a little of what I thought. So I let it go.
And I forget about it. Then I see him on the news. Or I listen to a stand up routine. Or watch one of his movies. And every time I do I give a little sigh and a shake of the head.
Robin Williams. Such a loss. Such a waste.
Plenty has been written about why he may have done this. The black fog. The depths of depression. I don’t have any understanding of this other than what I see or read. I have my ups and downs, my dark days and low points. I consider myself ‘normal’ – whatever that means. I can’t compare myself to another. I have no chart or scale I can look at. How can you know the level of distress of an individual?  I would imagine some people don’t even realise they have a depressive disorder until they seek help.
He was the kind of character that you just warmed to. A real entertainer. He reminds me of Steve Irwin. Another person whose lust for life was infectious. Whose boundless energy left a gaping hole in the lives of those who followed him.  There are other people who may have left a similar void in your life – it doesn’t have to be a celebrity.
You never know what happens behind closed doors. An obvious statement I know.  Today they say Robin Williams was in the early stages of Parkinsons disease – perhaps this contributed to the depths of his despair. Who knew. Why would we. Why should we. The smiling public faces of everyone, not just celebrity figures are often a mask as to what is really going on.
And these are just the ones we hear in the news.
The monsters Joseph Fritzl and Ariel Castro were seemingly just two normal men until their despicable crimes were uncovered. I grew up revering figures like Jimmy Saville and Rolf Harris. And I still shake my head in disbelief and probably more in disappointment when I think about their crimes against children.
Some people are impossibly smiley. You cannot be happy all the time. The crash must come.
Beyond Blue http://www.beyondblue.org.au/  is an Australian organisation that helps.
I’m not preaching – as I mentioned before it’s my own personal debrief.
But this time I have an ending to this blog. Perhaps even a story arc.
After all that’s happened, I need a lift. A pick-me up. A boost. A challenge. I need to tick something off my bucket list. Do something different. To feel alive.  I need an adrenalin pumping, heart pounding activity. I’ve done bungy jumping. I have jumped out a plane. But there is one thing that I have always wanted to do.
Shark diving.
Great White  – shark diving.
And so next weekend my friend and I are heading off to Port Lincoln in South Australia.
Where we will be swimming with Jaws.
Holy shit. It’s just hit me.
Stay tuna tuned……